“There is something unattractive about holiness”

I believe those were the radical words that were expressed during the opening Mass of the inaugural CHARIS Malaysia Youth Conference which was celebrated by Msgr Henry Rajoo. The statement stood in irony against the Conference’s theme, which was ‘Personal Holiness’.

Yet, when I took a quick glance across the front pews of the Minor Basilica occupied by 60 or so participants, I had to agree. For a conference held on a national level, I imagined there should have been more young people. But where were they?

For the next few days of the conference, it became clear to me what the problems were with holiness.

First, there was a kind of misperception that ‘holiness’ was unattainable or a standard so high that was only meant for those ‘few chosen’ people. And for the young people, it might sound quite like the dull way of life; a life of playing by the rules set by old people, of not being able to do the things you like.

So, from the get-go, it was established that holiness was not something outside of us or beyond us. It was something deeply personal to us, so much so that it concerned our identity. Who or what defines who we are? Should we not allow our Creator to tell us who we are and why we are created? In the words of St Augustine in his Confession, “Lord, let me know myself; let me know you.” We need to know our Creator if we are to ever know ourselves truly. In his first talk, Fr. Simon Lau spoke about how holiness began with our relationship with God. The pursuit of holiness is when we desire to know God and we want to know how to draw closer to God.

Then comes the problem that when we begin to draw closer and know God better, our conscience starts to give us the nagging feeling that the way we live, the things we desire, the relationships we hold might not sit right with who our God is, and to be in the right relationship with Him, we are ask to forego what hinders us to come closer to Him. Does this sound familiar? Indeed, we were asked to reflect on the story of Jesus and the rich young man (Mk 10:17-22): Dear young people, at this very point in life, what is it that is holding you back from having a 100 percent relationship with Jesus?

Congratulations if you are able to identify what keeps you from trusting and loving Jesus. Likely, once we can admit what we have done wrong (and hopefully it is out of love for God since what we do wrong so breaks His heart), we would repent and usually it is us feeling remorseful and saying sorry to God. That’s simple enough but does God really need our ‘sorry’?

I realised that no, God did not need my ‘sorry’, but He needed me to see how I was wrong and to move from my repentance to my conversion. Mark Ng in his session pointed out that lukewarmness was a major (if not the major) hindrance on our path to holiness, keeping us from having a close relationship with God. And so, if there is no conversion after repentance, we can only be like the rich young man in the story, who walked away sadly from Jesus.

The problem with repentance and conversion in a world which constantly raises the banner of ‘it’s your life, you do what you want’, ‘only you know you’, ‘love yourself’ among others is, we are constantly told that we should not apologise for who we are and be proud of who we are. Frankly speaking, that certainly sounds a whole lot more ‘attractive’ and ‘empowering’, compared to needing to go through a (painful) process of changing and of sacrificing, even if at the end of it, I will supposedly be a better version of myself.

The reality is if one has never experienced or encountered God, then I suppose one could not be bothered with holiness or the notion of having any relationship with God.

And so, the true climax of the Conference was in those moments when the participants were given the opportunity to encounter and experience the Risen Lord; the praise and worship sessions which help lifted the mind and spirit to praise

God despite our circumstances, the adoration session which allowed us to draw physically near to worship Jesus in His True Presence in the Blessed Sacrament, the inner-healing session which let us taste the goodness of Jesus through His healing touch, and the infilling of the Holy Spirit which burnt ablaze a thirsting desire in our hearts to be more like our Heavenly Father. By the end of the conference, there was a kind of glow on the young participants’ faces which I did not see on day one.

The last problem with holiness that I would like to address here is that we cannot grow in holiness on our own. We are so used to topping the class, acing exams, getting the MVP title in our games, earning the highest pay possible… It’s always a competition! Imagine if the saints in heaven had to fight for the ‘best saint in holiness’ title! I recalled what Michael Yap said in one of his talks: God calls us to be holy like Him, and each one of us has our unique calling on our path to holiness, yet our calling is never for ourselves but for the good and love of others.

So, we are reminded not to do holiness on our own and we all need a healthy community to grow in holiness and to help us discern our calling. This begs the larger question of whether our church community is conducive and helpful in nurturing our young people, but this is not the primary focus here.

Ultimately, my experience at the Conference confirmed to me that holiness was indeed unattractive by the measures of the world. But just as how an eagle is destined to soar in the skies, I recognise that we are destined for holiness; just as how eaglets learn how to fly from their parents and by practicing near the nest, we can learn holiness from the Heavenly Father and practice through loving and serving those around us.

Holiness is an adventure of a lifetime: Jesus sustains us in the holy sacrament, the Holy Spirit spurs us on in His constant reminder of God’s unconditional love. Holiness is not for the faint-hearted, but take courage, Jesus has overcome the world. And as uttered by the now Cardinal-elect Sebastian Francis during the closing Mass of the Conference, “Go for it!” ~Joyce

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After being absent in church events for quite sometime, participating in the first ever CHARIS Malaysia Youth Conference has reminded me of the time and connection in being part of a vibrant faith community through the teachings, worship, connections and fellowship with other young ministers.

CHARIS Youth Conference has indeed brought me back to understand deeply of my relationship with God, reigniting my passion in serving others, and to also be equipped with practical tools for my spiritual journey.

With that being said, the conference has left me with renewed hope, a strengthened sense of purpose and to actively engage myself once again in church events as well as deepening my relationship with God. ~Brian

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Hallelujah! CHARIS has brought a great fruit and experience to me. It’s a blessing from God for me to join this charismatic renewal conference again this year which has given a great impact to me to experience the love and grace of God and yield with the Holy Spirit.

Throughout the conferences, I felt so much joy and excitement towards what the speaker talked about and the activities itself. Though the topics of the talk were common but with help of the Holy Spirit, God’s wonders and miracles worked wonderfully and contagiously from the speaker which then spread to all participants as well as the working team.

Last but not least, the conference this year was miraculous to me indeed where God totally changed and renewed me from the inside out even after I returned to my hometown Kuching. From that moment, by the anointing and prompting of the Holy Spirit, I sense that God wants me to dive deeper and be His disciple and make disciples to share His good news! Amen! ~Bailey

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CHARIS Youth Conference was held at the Minor Basilica of St Anne, Bukit Mertajam, from 29 June to 2 July 2023, with input sessions in English and Mandarin respectively. The speakers for the English section were Anthony Lim, Derek Chong, and Charles Lim; the Mandarin speakers were Fr Simon Lau, Michael Yap, and Mark Ng.

Empowered Ministry Kuching